Essential Relationship Skills Workshop
An Online Course with Terry Real
A Guide for Couples and Individuals in the 21st Century...
We demand a lot from our relationships these days: We want a life partner and equal as well as a passionate lover. We want nothing less than a best friend, lifelong love, romance, and great sex—and such an expectation is a fairly new phenomenon in relationship history.
Are we setting ourselves up for disappointment by demanding too much? We’re most definitely not, says Terry Real. Lifelong love is within the reach of any couple willing to learn a few basic skills, skills for imbuing your love relationship with a quality Terry calls fierce intimacy.
In this excerpt from the workshop, Terry talks about The Four Steps of the Feedback Wheel
What You Will Learn
This workshop will give you the skill set that will enable you to imbue your relationship with fierce intimacy. You’ll learn how to tell the truth to your partner with love, unafraid of the challenge. You’ll learn how to cherish your partner while standing up firmly for your own needs. And you will learn how to keep passion alive through radical honesty and deep emotional engagement.
You will also learn practical techniques for:
Identifying and articulating your deepest needs to each other
Standing up for yourself and loving your partner at the same time
Moving into relational empowerment that engenders success for both you and your partner
Mastering the art of relational ju-jitsu, responding fairly with play and generosity to whatever comes your way in the relationship
Reviving or augmenting the passion in your relationship
Connecting at a deep, emotional, authentic level

A Complete Experience in Eight Modules

Introduction to Relational Living
Relational Living means being connected authentically to yourself and others. Strong, intimate relationships have this at their heart. But how do you achieve this? In this module, Terry explores what it means to live relationally, and the skills needed to do it. He also explores how changes in gender roles have complicated this quest.
Relational Mindfulness
We are born for rich, intimate connection, but relationships are an endless dance of harmony, disharmony, and repair. When we’re triggered, most of us respond with a “flight, fight, or fix” response, a kind of emotional “whoosh.” Relational Mindfulness is the ability to pause and consider before reacting. In this module, Terry explains this core skill, discusses the nature of relationships, and talks about what he calls The Adaptive Child, The Wounded Child, and Functional Adult parts of us.
Losing Strategies of the Adaptive Child
There are five counterproductive things—or Losing Strategies—we do in relationships:
  • Being Right—acting with self-righteous indignation
  • Controlling Your Partner—either directly or indirectly, using manipulation
  • Unbridled Self-Expression, AKA oversharing · Retaliation, or getting even.
  • ​​​​​​​Withdrawal—“I’m out of here, I’m done” Terry helps us understand how this works, and our own Losing Strategy profile.
Self Esteem
Healthy self-esteem, which Terry calls “same-as,” means being no better or worse than anybody else. We see ourselves as being worthy, despite our faults. Then there’s unhealthy self-esteem, which is based on measuring ourselves against others. It can take the form of being one-down (also known as toxic shame) or one-up (also known as grandiosity). Terry goes deep into both the healthy and unhealthy forms, and shows how the unhealthy ones can be worked with to heal.
When we have functioning, healthy boundaries, we are protected and connected at the same time. In this module, Terry goes into the different kinds of boundaries, healthy and unhealthy, and offers a “boundary visualization” exercise.
The Relationship Grid
If you map boundaries—healthy and unhealthy—against self-esteem, you get a grid with four quadrants. This is an extremely helpful tool for understanding oneself and one’s partner. In this module, Terry explains the grid, and offers exercises for exploring the quadrants.
Winning Strategies of the Functional Adult
Standing up for yourself with love (telling the truth to your partner in a way that makes you closer) and Moving from Complaints to Requests, are two of the Winning Strategies Terry discusses in this module.
The Repair Process

Even in the best of circumstances, relationships have periods of disharmony, and these require repair. In this module, Terry discusses the 4-step Feedback Wheel: “this is what happened, this is the story I told myself about it, this is how I feel about it, this is what would make me feel better.” He then explains how we can respond with appreciation and cherishing in a way that repairs and strengthens the relationship.

"Truth is, intimacy has the power to break and remake us–healing our deepest wounds. But not the way we think. This workshop teaches you how to leverage your relationship to work on, even transform, yourself. Because we all marry our unfinished business–and that’s a potential blessing."
What You Get
The Essential Relationship Skills Workshop in Eight accessible modules
Over six hours of powerful video teachings
All of Terry's slides plus worksheets with personal and couples' relationship exercises
Fully downloadable video, audio, and transcription of each module
Purchase now for $127
Terry Real, LICSW
Terry Real is the bestselling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, the straight-talking How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women, and most recently The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Make Love Work. Terry knows how to lead couples on a step-by-step journey to greater intimacy—and greater personal fulfillment. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents as well as a professional training program for clinicians. Terry's work, with its rigorous commonsense approach, speaks to both men and women. A proponent of "full-throttle marriage," Terry has been called "the most innovative voice in thinking about and treating men and their relationships in the world today."